Bhutan at the speed of baby – day 4

We’ve been in Bhutan for three days now. It’s been a blur of mountains, rivers, and temples. What a yawn fest. Honestly. Now all I have to do is see a temple built in the 1500’s and the next thing I know …

What? I’m going to put it out there and say that some of you grownups feel exactly the same way but just won’t admit it.

I might let Mama guest post about the temples and such later. In the meantime, you’ll no doubt breathe a sigh of relief when you hear that I’m going to skip all that boring stuff and update you on the real trip highlights and lowlights so far.

Highlights

1. Bangkok airport. It is a giant zoo for planes. Plus, it has escalators. Better than Disneyland.

2. Riding everywhere with no carseat. Yesterday we spent six hours on windy mountain roads with not a baby seatbelt in sight. I snoozed. I learned how to operate the electric windows and open car doors. I hung my head out in the wind like a puppy. Everyone fed me way too many snacks. In the end I even got to watch Baby Einstein on Mama’s laptop while we were driving along a steep mountain pass with no guardrails. Incidentally, I think this no carseat thing has been a highlight for mama, too. I heard her say that it’s improved her prayer life.

3. Taking a bath in a bucket. I squat down just a little and I can eat bubbles.

4. The watering can in the backyard. It has water in it. I’m allowed, nay, encouraged, to pour that water on dirt. Heaven.

5. The giant fluffy dog that wandered out of the forest while we were hiking yesterday. I loved that dog. I wanted to take it home. Mama said no. Then she said in her “careful” voice, “Mike, honey. I know you’re right there. I know you’re watching. But can you please not let him get so close to the edge of the cliff?” Psych.

Lowlights

1. Mama told me there are tigers in Bhutan. We haven’t seen one yet. Massively disappointed, I cannot even tell you.

2. Mama keeps trying to feed me baked beans long after she should have gotten the message that it’s not going to happen. Doesn’t she understand that baked beans are so, like, two months ago? She keeps moaning to Daddy about how those beans traveled all the way from Australia, to Laos, and then to Bhutan, but Dad’s on my side. He says that those beans have a huge carbon footprint. He hit the nail on the head. That’s exactly what’s wrong with them – they taste like dirty feet.

3. I get that we need to be polite to police and monks and all, but I just want to put it out there that when I get handed over to every stranger who reaches for me, I feel used. I am not here to clap, smile, kiss, wave, and be generally charming to strangers on command. I am here to see tigers, pet strange dogs, and eat dirt out of pot plants in temple courtyards. Let’s stay on mission, people.