Friends. What a year. And I don’t need to say much more on that because you all know what I’m talking about. I’ve worked in stress and trauma for almost (gulp) 20 years now, and I’ve never before seen the whole world so collectively stressed by the same mega-event. It’s been a year strongly flavoured by sudden change, lockdowns, hardship, grief, bad news, uncertainty, and more bad news. But in the midst of it all, my year has held some good and wonderful things as well. So in the spirit of bringing some light to this darker-than-normal holiday season, here’s my best of 2020 list.
Best youtube video we watched as a family during lockdown: Building the Perfect Squirrel Proof Bird Feeder (by Mark Rober). So funny, so clever, so oddly heartwarming. And 50 million plus views suggest a lot of other people in lockdown also enjoyed this one.
Best memoir of the year: Raising A Rare Girl (by Heather Lanier). I’ve read a lot of memoirs this year, and this was the standout of 2020. Heather writes so beautifully and depthfully about raising a child with a rare syndrome, defying the tyranny of normal, and embracing parenthood as a spiritual practice that breaks us open in the best of ways.
Best book I read out loud with the kids: The Wild Robot (by Peter Brown). What a magical, engaging, warm read. The kids and I both loved it and immediately ordered the sequel. And, holy cow, does it pack in some good vocab.
Best TV show we watched as a family: Lego Masters 2. Watching TV together as a family is tricky. My “raised only on carefully selected DVD” boys are not well-equipped to handle the intensity of many TV shows, but this 10-episode series was a surprise smash-hit for the whole family. Fun, funny, creative, and not too stressful. Thumbs up from all four of us.
Best show I watched at night during the worst of pandemic dark days: The Canadian TV drama, Heartland. March, April, May, June, July… they all passed by in a blur of work, work, homeschooling, work, some more homeschooling, work, kids back at school (glory be and cue the angel choir) and more work. There were whole weeks there where watching a episode of Heartland a night (so many beautiful horses! and scenery! and just the right amount of family drama!) was brain comfort-food and helped my brain reset for the next day’s heavy-lift.
Best thing I did for my body this year: Pilates. This year I signed up to take two pilates classes a week during school terms. While we had to go remote for some of those classes, doing pilates all year has been the best thing I’ve done to support my health in a very long time. You can find my wonderful instructor, Romy’s, classes online here if you want to get started on your own pilates journey at home.
Best book I read on ADHD/Autism: Differently Wired (by Deborah Reber). This book is so smart, so nuanced, and so wise. A how-to, a manifesto, and a reassuring companion for parents of neuro-atypical children, who often feel that they have no place to turn. SO recommended for anyone who has a friend or family member who is differently wired.
Best book I read for challenging my existing thinking: Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting (by Kyl Myers). This memoir, about a couple who ventured off on a parenting path less traveled, has helped me think much more deeply about boy-girl binaries, disparities, stereotypes and gender discrimination. The kindle version is on sale this month in the US for $1.99.
Best pants I bought: Summer is not my happy season. Living with lymphedema means that heat is not my friend. Everything swells. Life in my body becomes less fun. I generally wear long pants because I also wear compression stockings (so NOT my fave part of my daily uniform) so I’m always on the lookout for light, fun, cool pants. As Mike and our postman will tell you, Karma East is my go-to for summer clothes and their butterfly pants and flower pants styles are my favorites. Their pilot pants are good, too.
Best movie we watched as a family: The Biggest Little Farm. A fascinating testament to the immense complexity of nature, The Biggest Little Farm follows two dreamers and a dog on an odyssey to bring harmony to both their lives and the land. Again, a total winner with both grownups AND two kids under ten.
The best book I read for work: The Stressed Years Of Their Lives (by Janet Hibbs and Anthony Rostain). I was fortunate this year to work in a team executing a significant project exploring student support for a large US University. It was eye-opening and (frankly) quite terrifying to delve into the rigidities of our current educational systems and our teen’s experiences with higher education. Highly recommended for anyone with kids 13+ who are aiming to attend university.
Best brand new interest I acquired: Browsing bluethumb.com and other art sites online. You guys, I’ve had pretty much 3% interest in visual art before 2020. But in COVID-times I became suddenly and intensely interested in painting. Not making paintings myself. No. Looking at them, coveting them, and buying them. (I suspect Mike and our bank balance both wish I had stayed in my lane and stuck to books but I love this giant painting of pretty much nothing but green dots that now hangs in our kitchen.)
Best gift we gave the kids: We gave the boys these Garmin Vivofit Junior 2 watches for their birthdays in August and they’ve been fabulous. They track steps taken and sleep and also have a function where we can assign “chores” (read: get dressed for school, do your teeth, and put your shoes and socks on) and reward them with digital coins for tasks completed which they can then use to purchase rewards. Programming the watch to remind the boys when they need to start getting ready for school and when they have to be ready by has helped take some of the conflict potential out of mornings.
Best book on the craft of writing: The Memoir Project (by Marion Roach Smith). Friends, I have been struggling mightily to figure out my next memoir. Truth be told, right at this present moment I’m not at all sure I’ll actually write it, after all. But on days when I believe I will, this book is helping me try to sift and sort through our parenting journey of the last decade and nail down a structure and voice that may work. Highly recommended for all you memoirists out there.
Best podcast I’ve been listening to: Podcasts are a true gift of the internet and one I particularly love is Kate Bowler’s podcast, Everything Happens. Kate is a young mother, writer and professor who, at age 35, was suddenly diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. In warm, insightful, often funny conversations, Kate talks with people about what they’ve learned in dark times. Mike and I both love this podcast. I recommend if you’re new to this podcast and want to give it a try, start from Season 1 and go from there. Her memoir is great, too (Everything Happens For A Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved).
Best Christmas Playlist I’ve been listening to: OK, I’ve just started with the Christmas playlists this year, and I’ve only listened to the McWolfe Christmas, so ours wins by default. If you want to check out our family Christmas playlist you can follow that link and find it on spotify.
Best partner in crime: You can’t buy a Michael Wolfe on Amazon, but you’d be getting a good deal if you could. Shout out to Mike here. We thought 2020 was going to be the year of catching our breath and getting our feet on the ground after the giant uprooting of 2019. Instead, Mike was in the Solomon Islands on a short-term gig for World Vision when COVID hit the radar here in Australia. He made it back into the country 24 hours ahead of state border closures and then spent the next five months managing World Vision’s Solomon Island’s programs remotely. This season has been one of huge upheaval, shifting roles and responsibilities inside our home, and lots of hands-on time with the kids for him. So grateful for a partner who is always committed, usually cheerful, takes the breakfast shift and does more than his share of life-admin to keep this household running.
Best gift for your teenage reader: I’ll finish off this overly long list with some self-promotion, because that’s always a good way to end a lovely conversation with friends, right? My novel, My Hands Came Away Red, continues to pick up 5-star reviews on Amazon. If you have eager readers who are 13+ this would make a good gift.
My best wishes for you: Friends, I hope December 2020 finds you and your loved ones safe and together. I hope it finds you not too exhausted. I hope it finds you still able to smile, and to notice beautiful things and moments that cross your path. I hope it finds you feeling like 2021 will bring a lightening. Finally, I’ll leave you with the best blessing I read this year (from Jan Richardson’s lovely book, Circle of Grace: A book of blessings for the seasons).
Blessing When the World is Ending
Look, the world
is always ending
somewhere.
Somewhere
the sun has come
crashing down.
Somewhere
it has gone
completely dark.
Somewhere
it has ended
with the gun,
the knife,
the fist.
Somewhere
it has ended
with the slammed door,
the shattered hope.
Somewhere
it has ended
with the utter quiet
that follows the news
from the phone,
the television,
the hospital room.
Somewhere
it has ended
with a tenderness
that will break
your heart.
But, listen,
this blessing means
to be anything
but morose.
It has not come
to cause despair.
It is simply here
because there is nothing
a blessing
is better suited for
than an ending,
nothing that cries out more
for a blessing
than when a world
is falling apart.
This blessing
will not fix you,
will not mend you,
will not give you
false comfort;
it will not talk to you
about one door opening
when another one closes.
It will simply
sit itself beside you
among the shards
and gently turn your face
toward the direction
from which the light
will come,
gathering itself
about you
as the world begins
again.
